The Descent

You will tell yourself stories of possibility

over and over again,

you will take three steps forward and four steps back

but you will also take six steps forward and one step back.

You will want to die.

My God, the humiliation will make you want to die.

A peaceful death so no one hurts.

A good death, so there are no regrets.

But you will live.

You will hate,

fucking loathe.

You will want them dead,

heads on a platter.

Then you will choose indifference

and when you can you will choose love

and then you will want them well. Blessed.

He will not save you.

He cannot save you.

You will vomit,

you will eat your vomit,

then you will vomit again.

You will relive the horror over and over,

then you will see the glory.

Your faith in yourself, in Life, will hang by a thread,

thin as smoke.

You will search your depths and find nothing,

and one day you will look and see everything.

Love will fail you,

love will fail you,

love will fail you.

But love will also find you,

love will find you,

love will find you.

You will be immortal,

and you will die,

and you will be born anew every morning.

You will descend

over and over

but, always, you will return to Life

and you will live.